


tjueen:tjueen

by Skambotron



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: ? - Freeform, I'm really unsure about tags, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, read the notes please.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24830590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skambotron/pseuds/Skambotron
Summary: Isak and Even just finished their second year in Trondheim. They are about to start their summer and in two weeks time they will be in Oslo to celebrate Isak's birthday. But Isak hasn't quite been himself recently. Even is facing an important question.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 10
Kudos: 44





	tjueen:tjueen

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so this is my first work and I'm really unsure about tags and at the moment the a03 FAQ page on tags is not loading. So just know I didn't want to use to many tags to avoid giving to much away. 
> 
> So here some info:  
> -I think there is not much triggering stuff here  
> -Even's MI is mentioned  
> -a panick attack is described  
> -there is no sex  
> -but they talk about it quite bluntly
> 
> This is fic is building on the canon. It takes place this year, but the pandemic didn't happen.
> 
> As I said, this is my first fic, I don't know if it's any good. English is not my native language, so there are propably a lot of typos. If you want to, tell me what you think in the comments.

“Are your parents coming?” 

Even had just gotten off the phone after his weekly sunday call with his mother. And Isak was already interrogating him. He was unusually jumpy, in fact he had been the last few days, or even weeks.   
Originally Even had thought it was because of the end of term exams. But those were over now. 

It was the first weekend of June and a whole summer lay before them, ready to be expired and filled with memories. The weather had finally taken a turn for the better, the sun wasn’t hidden behind some rainy clouds anymore and the temperatures had risen significantly. The sun technically still rose and set, but it didn’t really get dark this time of the year, their small apartment was bathed in natural light all day long now, thanks to the very strategic placement of the windows. 

It looked like the two of them would be able to enjoy the next 10 days here in Trondheim before they were to leave for Oslo. If it wasn’t for this thing with Isak.

“Isak! Chill. Yes they are coming to your birthday party, but why is that so important to you? What’s up with this big party? Last year you skipped your birthday all together and had us go on a three day hike instead. I honestly feared you had joined Mahdi and Magnus in their weird ‘who can become the most outdoorsy person’ competition and I honestly was and am still not ready for that. But now this year all of the sudden you want a big party? And why invite my parents in the first place? I know you like them and they love you and it’s a given your mother will be there, because you insisted on having the party at her house. But it isn’t this a bit much and why there, of all places? You have never been sentimental about that place before and always hesitant to go there. Is everything okay?” 

Even was glad he got all of that out, to be honest he had had these questions in his head for quite some time now, he just hadn’t found the right time to ask them yet, with all this stress the last couple of weeks. Isak had come up with this concept for his birthday two months ago. It was nothing like him, Isak hated to be the center of attention at a party and that was kind of a given at one’s own birthday party. Sure he didn’t really mind attending other people's parties, drinking and the occasional dancing, but he had become a little more of a staying home and cuddling person over the last two years. Well, he had always been down for that from the beginning of their relationship, but especially the last year he had kind of become a recluse, almost always studying and spending the weekends at home with Even and the weeknights at the lab or the library. Even had initially thought it was all about staying at the top of his class, but suddenly he wasn’t sure anymore, of course Isak had stated more than once that he just didn’t want to share his time with Even with anybody else. And Even actually didn’t really mind. But the way Isak had put down his foot and had insisted they’d return to Oslo not even two after the term ended here in Trondheim and have a big birthday party for him in Oslo had caught him off guard. Of course Even had agreed, it was Isak’s birthday after all, so why shouldn’t he have it the way he wished? 

But he usually did not care that much for his birthday and it started to look like he was actually stressed out about that party all along and not about his exams like Even had suspected and hoped, because he wanted to return to their rather chill attitude on life as soon as possible and not continue this calamity that had been the last two weeks. Even took a deep breath and tried to take in his surroundings and told himself to stay calm no matter how Isak would answer, he felt those questions had already been a degree to direct.

“Well,” Isak said, “First of all, maybe I am turning into an outdoor person? Who says I can’t? I would be the master of outdoors, if I wanted to be. Secondly I’m turning 21 and this feels kind of important, I thought you of all people would get that, and I wanted to have a big party once, for a change and I felt we were too old to just sit around in a big group at Uranienborgparken, but we’re still poor students. so inviting all of our friends to a restaurant was out of the question and renting a space seemed like a waste of money, when my mother is so keen of having me home from time to time and has the idea of ‘making it up to me’ stuck in her head and she can’t seem to refuse me anything these days. Besides, the garden is lovely especially at this time of the year. I invited your parents because they would insist on spending at least an evening with us while we’re in Oslo anyways and since my mother would be at the party for sure and I’m sure my father will make an appearance as well, I thought doing it this way was the perfect opportunity to get that out of the way” 

Isak tried his best to convince Even, but Even could see Isak hadn’t even fully convinced himself. Something was definitely off here, Even chose not to obsess over this and play along for the sake of this weird game, they were apparently playing. 

“Okay, you might try to hide yourself behind logical statements, but I see through that Isak. I am your ‘mannen i mitt liv’ after all” Even started chuckling “ 21 is our lucky number, that’s true, but it doesn’t hold any other significance, it’s not like we’re in the States and you’re about to enter legal drinking age and babe, you’re most definitely not the master of the outdoors. I’m seriously thinking about giving one of my cameras to Magnus now, so he can document your canoeing trip and I will have proof of you not being anything close to that. I know you only agreed to go with them on that trip because Jonas said he would go.”

Isak gave him a feisty look and continued: “Sooo you’re gonna trust Magnus with one of your cameras? Really?” 

“Fuck you’re right, I wont.” Isak started grinning widely “So I might have just to refrain to remind you how our three day hiking trip went last year or wait until we all meet up at that festival. You trying to cook on a camping cooker might actually sell as comedy gold.” Even paused he wasn’t teasing too much. So he tried changing the subject a little bit: ”I still can’t believe actually ALL of our friends are coming, even Linn and Eskild, by the way, how did Vilde manage to arrange that?”

“Well she’s convinced it’s the last time something like that will be possible for the foreseeable future. And she’s kind of right, we’re still young, but Yousef and Sana are already married, who knows when the first children will come along. Right now we’re all still at Uni or just started jobs, but soon some of us will go overseas for periods of times or things like that and as soon as she realised everyone was in Oslo for at least parts of the summer, she started to use her mad organising skills for good. And babe you never let me try to cook, how am I supposed to learn? Maybe I will actually develop some mad skills while kayaking in Sweden with the guys.”

He just looked too cute while saying that, that cunning look returning on his face. Even couldn’t help himself and marbled at his boyfriend. He still couldn’t believe Isak was his, sometimes it was beyond him why Isak chose to stay with him of all people.   
Those golden locks, that squishy nose, his irresistible cupid's bow, those cheekbones that blushed so beautifully from time to time, his dimples, his general build combined with those daring collarbones, all that made him one of the most beautiful people Even had ever seen, he was sure Isak could have anybody he liked, plus he was funny, kind caring and loyal to a fault but for three years and six months now he had been Even’s boyfriend.

“10 days might be too short to develop ‘mad skills’” Even countered “And I still don’t know how we’re going to survive those ten days apart. And the festival is directly after that, my balls are going to be royally blue after that.”

“Why what’s wrong with Sex at the festival? Isn’t that kind of the point of festivals?”Isak asked. 

“Well for starters we don’t know, if we are going to have to share a tent with someone else, like Magnus, Mahdi or Jonas, those guys usually have no regards for personal space and Magnus couldn’t read a room or a tent for that matter, even if his life depended on it. And even if it’s only us two in a tent, I thought you might be embarrassed with all our friend being able to hear us ”

“So, we’ll just take both of our tents with us, so we can exile anybody who tries to share a tent with us. And when have I ever been too ashamed to fuck my boyfriend? Everyone can know that our relationship is still going well and our sex live is quite alive.”

Even could see Isak was trying hard not to blush, that was kind of a bold statement for him.

“Come on babe, Magnus is still reeling from the time, you called him a turn off in regards to sex.”

“That's…, people can change Even. I was just out of the closet when I said that and we just had had Sex for the first time!”

“Okayyy…., I’ll remind you of that when we’re at the festival”

Even took a short pause for thinking.

“Isak I hate to bring this up again, but if we are taking two tents now, shouldn’t we really rent a car to go to Oslo? With all the stuff we need to bring for your kayaking adventure with your guys, my cabin trip with my friends and the surprise trip after that, you planned just for the two of us, which you won’t tell me anything about, so I can’t really pack in an organised way, we will for sure be unable to carry that much stuff with us on the train and we would be a nuisance for all the other passengers”

Isak looked not happy at all about that suggestion. Even really hated bringing this up, he knew how Isak felt about cars.

“No!” he said, “We shouldn’t. I hate those metal boxes of death, you know that. The odds of getting killed in a traffic accident are too damn high! And it’s bad for the environment. We went to the climate protests, we would be hypocrites.”

“I thought planes were metal death boxes?” Even tried to argue.

“No they're metal caging tubes! Keep up Even. Flying is actually very safe, just really, really bad for the environment. Even if you buy a certificate for CO₂ compensation, because distributing greenhouse gases that far up the air has an almost irreversible effect, it certainly cannot be set off by doing something on the ground. But that’s not even the point here. We’re taking a train!”

Even knew it was pointless to continue this discussion, especially when Isak was that stressed out, he still couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him and he started to slightly worry. Isak had never been much of a talker, when it came to his moods and feelings, but they had established a very healthy communication habit in their relationship, it was really necessary considering Even’s condition. It wasn’t like Isak came running to him and started to immediately talk about it with Even every time something was on his mind, but he could always sense if something was wrong and he usually could deduct in what area the problem was to be found, so a little nudge from Even was everything Isak needed most times to open up, that and the fact he could neither lie to Even or hide his feelings from him. Isak on the other hand had developed some kind of sixth sense when it came to Even, he almost always knew how to react, it was like Even was an open book to him. 

Isak was still totally oblivious to other people's feelings, especially towards him. Even found it very amusing, so many girls had tried to get into Isak's pants during their first year here and had been aggressively flirting with him, Isak of course had just thought he had gotten amazing at making new friends until Even pointed out the obvious.

Thus Isak being this stressed even after his exams was kind of worrisome. It might be all traceable to the party planning, but Even couldn’t shake the feeling there was something more to it.

Even was weighing on inquiring further, Isak had acted kind of strange over the past couple of months, even before he started stressing out. He had taken on an extra Job at the Vitenskapsmuseet, the NTNU’s own museum,after Christmas, which was monetarily unnecessary, because Isak had his scholarship and had started working at the lab in his second semester. Plus Isak’s dad was still sending huge amounts of what Isak called ‘guilt money’ and he almost never used any of that, rather putting it away into a savings account, ‘for later or emergencies’ Isak always said. Even had suspected Isak only had taken the job at the museum, because he couldn’t say no to his professor who also was on the board of the museum. But Isak had denied that and said extra money was always good and he seemed to like spending his time at the museum. It wasn’t really that many hours and Even used the time apart to edit videos as a freelancer. 

But it was undeniable that the workload had taken some kind of toll on Isak, because Even had found him totally spacing out from time to time, while doing things like the laundry, the dishes or cleaning. Isak would just stop in the middle of the activity and stare into the air, water or vacuum cleaner still running. When asked what was going on he just said ‘thinking’ or ‘taking a break from thinking’. He had also acted quite secretive while being on his computer a couple of times, something he had never done before in earnestness, it usually was a joke, when he tried to hide some porn, sexual related research or movies and music he was a little embarrassed about. 

Then in May Isak had left the city for a day without telling Even where he was going, only assuring him it was nothing to worry about. Even didn’t, he completely trusted his boyfriend and if Isak had business outside of the city he didn’t want to talk about, that was okay, Even was sure he was going to hear about it eventually. But all of this combined was nudging at him now. He decided not to tackle it thoughtfully, he would wait til after Isak’s birthday party, if Isak was still stressed and acting strange after they had to have a serious talk about all of this. But they had to manage till then. Even looked at their apartment and decided it needed a proper cleaning, they kind of had neglected some of their chores, especially in the last two weeks. 

Even loved this little place, he liked it even more than their first place together in Oslo. It wasn’t really that much bigger, but this one had distinguishable rooms and so it brought a little more structure. They had brought a lot of their furniture with them from Oslo and had added and replaced some stuff over the last two years, it really felt like their home. But now it was time for a good old fashioned cleaning and reorganising session. 

10 days days later, two days before their departure, Even insisted on a trial run to the train station with all their luggage and Isak conceded. They didn’t even make it out of their apartment. In consequence they rented a car last minute. Even had even convinced Isak to drive parts of the trip. So the plan was for Even to drive out of Trondheim, for Isak to take over somewhere on the E6 and to change once again, so Even would drive them into Oslo as Isak hated inner city traffic the most.

Even looked at the fully loaded car and was really pleased. Their last minute booking and a mix up at he renting agency and the resulting upgrade had landed them a Tesla model X, they had managed to get all of their stuff in easily, they probably had to take a longer stop now to recharge the car on their way, but at leasts Isak’s concerns about fossil fuels had gone out the window. Isak looked pleased too and a smile was covering his face bringing out his dimples.

“I think we’re ready to go.” Isak stated. “I will just take one last look at the appartement, to see if everything is in order, for us not to return for three weeks and then I’ll give the keys to Turid.” Of course Isak took it upon himself to give the keys to their elderly neighbor because that woman had nothing but affection for Isak. At first Isak had been kind of reserved, when they found out their direct neighbor was on the elder side, because you never knew people’s attitude towards homosexuality and the the odds of someone of the older generation being homophobic were just higher. But after she had interrupted them very friendly, when they were blocking the way whilst kissing on the stairs, Even had said to Isak, he was sure he could use his charms to get them out of future troubles, if they were too loud because she seemed nothing but nice. But it turned out it was Isak who she was totally enamoured with and for once in his life Isak had let his guard down and allowed himself to be loved by a stranger. The old lady had definitely won Isak’s heart when she gifted them a cannabis plant out of the blue two weeks after they had moved in, almost two years ago. 

She had in fact never complained about noise, but she had her way of letting them know when they had overdone it. After their rambunctious New Year’s party during their first year it had definitely gotten too loud, but Turid had not complained that night. Istead the next day she started to play Italian classical music at 9 am sharp, it was torture for hungover Even and Isak and their friends who had come from Oslo to visit them, but they definitely deserved it.   
If Isak came home first, he often visited Turid and Even had to collect him from her apartment, once he did return home himself, because Isak and Turid could talk for hours.

“While you’re at it, text Jonas we are about to leave, so he knows when to expect us and give our lovely neighbor an extra hug from me.” Even called after him, because Isak was already inside the building.

Even, once again, thought about his mixed feelings towards the next three weeks. He truly hoped the tension between him and Isak would resolve by the time the birthday party was over and he kind of didn’t like the fact they were going to be apart for 10 days after that, Even was of course excited to go on that cabin trip with the Bakka boys. They hadn’t done something like that in ages, and he was sure the festival with all the crews combined would be an unforgettable experience. But he was kind of anxious about the surprise trip Isak had planned. Of course he knew Isak was perfectly capable of planning a vacation, he had done it for all their vacations together since they had gone to Morocco three years ago. But the fact he had not given the slightest hint where they were going, combined with all the other stuff, had gotten to Even’s head. But they were going to Oslo today, were celebrating Isak’s birthdays in two days and he hoped everything would already be better by then.

Isak quickly returned chippin down the stairs out of their apartment building. “Leeeeet’s go!” he chimed and climbed into the passenger seat. And off they went. The first part of the drive was really uneventful, the Tesla was nice to drive and they didn’t get into any traffic congestions. They changed seats 100 km out of Trondheim and Isak took over driving and insisted on being in charge of the music now too he started by blasting NWA and Nas, squeezed in a few gabrielle classics for Even and then followed that up with a stretch of the quieter works of ABBA. Even got lulled by that and started to doze off to the last chords of ‘The way old friends do’. 

He dreamt weird dreams, one evolved Isak trying to cook a seven course meal for them, but he had told Even to literally sit on his hands as Even was only allowed to watch, so Even sat there looking at a increasingly stressed out Isak who tried to prepare multiple dishes at once and got more and more overwhelmed and started yelling, then crying and breathing flat and irregularly. That sound woke Even up he suddenly realised the music had stopped, in fact the whole car had stopped and Isak’s breath was flat and irregular. They stood in a small resting area beside the road and Isak had his fingers clenched around the steering wheel. Even immediately knew what was going on, this had happened twice before. 

“Isak are you having a panic attack?”

Of course Isak didn’t answer that. He just could get out a very quiet “Can’t breath!”

Even released his own seatbelt and did the same for Isak.

“Isak: stay calm. Keep breathing. I’m here, we are safe. You did great by getting us to this spot. Can I take your hand?” Isak nodded slightly. Even took one of Isak’s hands from the steering wheel and held it. He used his other hand to unlock his phone and looked up where they were.  
He held Isak’s hand for a minute or so. It didn’t really seem to help.

“Isak I’m going to let go of your hand. I’m going to get out of the car, walk around to your side. Open your door and get you. Okay?”  
Isak didn’t react. Well, Even had to do something. So he got out and slowly moved around the car, that was one of the things he had learned after the first time this had happened: Stay predictable. Ask the person with the attack what they need and use short sentences and stay with them. Even got around to the driver’s side of the car, opened the door and took Isak’s other hand, that was still clenched on the steering wheel.

“Isak listen. I’m here, I’m not going away. I’m going to lead you out of the car now.” 

Even used his other hand to slightly pull on Isak’S shoulder, so his body turned towards him and was facing the door and Even now. He managed to lead Isak out of the car and got him to sit down on a small patch of grass. He felt Isak’s breathing normalising.

“Do you want me to get the medication?”

Isak shook his head, stretched his legs and layed down on the ground. He closed his Eyes and quietly said: “Just stay here with me, it’s already getting better.”

Even got down next to him and waited till he felt Isak was improving further after five minutes and then he asked: “What happened?”

“I don’t really know, I think I was going a little bit under the speed limit and that must have irked some people, because suddenly they were getting really close to us and doing dangerous overtaking maneuvers. It just felt too much. I felt stressed out and tight so I pulled into this resting area to calm down, but it only got worse. I’m so sorry” He still had trouble making it through his sentences.

“Isak it’s okay. You recognised the signs and got us to safety.” Even tried to calm him.

“Why can’t I perform a perfectly normal task like driving? I always get stressed out by driving. I think I wouldn’t even have managed to get my license without you. I feel like such a failure.”

“You’re amazing Isak, you’re not a failure. You just can’t be perfect at everything! And I’m perfectly capable of driving for the both of us, if need be. I just think the stress of the last weeks was a little bit too much for you. You just need a break and we’re on our way to getting one. Speaking of breaks, I looked and we’re only a few minutes away from a gas station with a larger rest area. We could stop there, recharge the car a little bit earlier than planned and have a nice two hour break before we continue our trip. Do you think you can get back into the car and make it to that bigger rest area?”

“Just give me another 10 minutes.” Isak answered.

The Tesla was charging now and they were at a picnic table and Even had gotten Isak to eat two sandwiches and now Isak was stretched out on the bench, his head lying in Evens lap. Even sitting at the end of the bench and running his fingers threw Isak’s golden curls, twirling streaks of Isak’ hair around his fingers from time to time. The sun was shining bright and only a light breese was making the trees whisper.

‘I love how your hair gets brighter and brighter with each week during summer.’ Even remarked.

‘You should have seen me as a child then, 3 weeks in the sun and in proximity to any kind of water and my hair was almost white, Emil had nothing on me.” Isak had his eyes closed and was smiling.

“Who’s Emil?” Even asked concerned.

Isak laughed. “No one to be jealous of Baby! Emil from Lönneberga, you know from those old Astrid Lindgren movies! I’m sure you have seen those as a child.” 

“Of course I have and wasn’t jealous. I already know I’m your first and only one.”

Isak opened his eyes: “And I really hope it’s gonna stay that way!”

Even nodded: “Of course it is! At least from my end, why you still put up with me is beyond me though.”

Isak got up and looked him straight into the eyes: “You have to stop saying that Even. We can’t go on like this forever. You are the love of my life. I need you as much as you need me! I’m not going to leave you.”

“Sorry, I do believe that too, sometimes my insecurities just get to me.”

Even paused, he felt like there was an open window to address some things.

“Speaking of which: I’m little concerned about some things, including this panic attack. Would you mind talking about some stuff?”

“Sure, but here? Right now?”

“Would you rather do it when we are staying with Jonas later?”

“No, you’re right, I’m just not sure I’m in the right headspace to talk right now, but we can try. Is it about my panic attack?”

“Yes, you obviously have been stressed the last two months, I thought it was about the exams and your additional workload this semester, but now the exams are and you spent the last two weeks putting in crazy hours at both your jobs. But that's behind you now as well and you’re still stressing out, I think it has to do with this very atypical birthday party of yours you’re planning. I have offered to help you with that so many times and you just refused, even though I told you I was worried about your level of stress. What is going on Isak? You know you need to avoid stress to reduce the risk of panic attacks, like a being on a schedule helps me with avoiding episodes. So why did you impose so much stress on yourself this semester? What’s on your mind?”

Isak sighed.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. This birthday party is stressing me out endlessly and I somehow got it in my head to plan everything in great detail, so the evening itself would be chill and I know how much planning events can stress you out, that’s why I did the planning on my own, which I’ll admit was not the easiest task to do from 600 kilometers away and I was actually going to include, I wanted to put you on barbecue duty during the party but then Sana insisted Yousef was the perfect person for that and didn't accept a no on that front.” Isak frowned while saying this.

“That’s totally fine and thank you for always thinking of me. But I don’t need to be protected that much and you can at least talk to me about what is on your mind. Even if you don’t want to share the workload. I also think this is not the whole truth, you have been acting kind of weird and shutting me out since at least January, what is that about.”

Isak cringed, he looked like he had been caught in a crime. “You really feel this way? It was never my intention to exclude you Even, You have to believe me. Something just has been on my mind since around New Years and I’ve been thinking about it quite a lot. But I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”

So Even had been right, there was something: “I really don’t want to do this Isak, but: What is it? Because now that you have said it, I feel like my suspicions have been confirmed but I am left without a solution. I am your boyfriend of 3,5 years now, so I'm slightly offended you are thinking about something for nearly half a year and not talking about it with me. So I kind of have to insist: What is it?”

Isak stayed silent for a couple of moments then he just said. “Even…”

“Yes Isak? Is it something about us? Or about me? Do you want to change something? Do you want to open the relationship? Try a threesome? Do you want me to start taking meds because of my episode in December?” Even had slightly raised his voice, he was getting frustrated with this.

Isak looked thoroughly shocked “Even! What the fuck? Of course not, I don’t want any of that. And I would never want you to do something regarding your mental health, that you didn’t want to do yourself. How can you even think that?”

This was getting heated. Even could see this developing into a full blown argument. He breathed in deeply and said: “But it is about us?”  
Isak paused again before he answered “Kind of. But I really don’t want to talk about it on the side of the E6 after I just had a panic attack. And I'm really not ready.”

Even was still a bit angry: “Can you estimate when you could be ready. Because it’s really not fair to me Isak, to keep me on edge like this any longer, after all these strange moments during the last six month!” 

It came out a bit more biting than Even had intended.

He regretted it immediately, as he saw Isak tensing up and tears appearing in his eyes.   
“I know it’s unfair Even.” he started, “but I need you to trust me on this. I didn’t want all of this to happen today, but I’m really not ready. Do you think you can give me another day? I need some time to find the right words.”

Of course he could give him a day, what was a day compared to the great scheme of things? Even would worry himself senseless in the next 24 hours, but seeing how much in pain Isak was he couldn't do anything but agree to this. So he said “Yes”.

They hugged, but didn’t kiss. Even wiped away Isak’s tears and was mad at himself, he had made his boyfriend cry. The sweetest person he knew, his one and only, his treasure. He had done this all wrong, he should have brought this up earlier or like he had planned after the party. He shouldn’t have gotten angry. Now there was real tension between him and Isak. They barely spoke for the rest of the drive.

Jonas was waiting for them outside of his flatshare to help them unload.

Isak stayed with Jonas while Even returned the car. When he got back he walked by the open kitchen window where Jonas was smoking a joint and Isak was sitting close by staring outside, he couldn’t see the details of their faces, but he could hear Isak sighing and saying: “I think I really fucked up Jonas. He looked so disappointed today. Maybe I went about this in the absolute wrong way. I don’t know if it was all worth it.” Jonas answered “Don’t Isak. Just don’t. He’s Even and you’re Isak, You’re Isak and Even. It will all be good in the end. Maybe you went a bit overboard, but it’s not like you have ever done something like this before, so how could you have anticipated any of this? Don’t beat yourself up too much, you had the right intentions and did what you thought to be best.”

So he was able to talk about Jonas with it. Even hated it, he hated that he was eavesdropping and he hated what he had heard. It felt like a small betrayal. He knew there were things best friends were better to talk to about than partners and Isak had known Jonas much longer than he had known Even, but still it felt like a small stab with a dagger that Isak had found the right words to talk to Jonas today but was making Even wait until tomorrow. He considered just staying there to keep on listening, but isak had fallen silent, seemingly the conversation had reached its end. So Even walked the last few meters and rang the bell. He climbed up the stairs and Jonas greeted him at the door.

“Hi again!” Jonas said.

“Halla!” Even answered “And thanks again for letting us stay here, it’s really awesome your flatmate is letting us use his room for a few days.”

“Ah no worries! Mathias is on a six week Interrail trip through eastern Europe. He has no use for the room anyway. I gave him some weed as payment and he expects a pot of chili and a tray of brownies in the freezer upon his return, for the inevitable munchies. So if you could do your kitchen magic one of the next days, that would be awesome, but I’ll supply the ingredients. I love having you both here”

Even chuckled “That can certainly be arranged!” 

“Great! Listen, Isak said you both were kind of tired because of the long drive and wanted to stay in and maybe get to bed early. Silly me thought you’d be up for a night out and I kind of planned a thing with Magnus and Mahdi. So I’ll just go and meet them at the bar and try to soften the blow. But there’s food in the kitchen, Isak is already waiting and I’ll be on my way. Have a nice evening Even!”

“You too Jonas. Bye.”

And just like that Jonas was gone.

Even took off his shoes and entered the kitchen where Isak was waiting in silence staring pointlessly, like he had done so many times over the last months. What was up with his boyfriend?

“Hei! What was going on with Jonas, he literally fled? Was the tension between us two so unbearable?”

Isak turned his head to look at him and looked at him with almost no visual expression. Great, Even couldn’t wait for tomorrow to arrive and this to be over, whatever it was, it couldn’t be worse than this uncertainty. 

Isak tried to smile and shook his head: “Nei! He’s meeting up with Magnus and Mahdi, apparently they got jealous we were staying with Jonas and forced him to arrange a night out with us on our first night here and he said if he’d cancel by text they would for sure show up here. So he’s just meeting them and keeping them away. But he showed me where everything is and he left us with some curry! It smells amazing!”

“I swear Magnus is way too obsessed with us. What is it with that boy?”

“He’s just super nice and doesn’t want to come of as homophobic so he overcompensates by being really interested.”

Now Isak was smiling for real and Even couldn’t not join him. “Let’s eat! It really does smell amazing.”

Just like that their mood was lifted a little bit. They ate dinner, joked about their friends and tried to coordinate their plans for the next few days. They did the dishes, unpacked a few of their things and watched ‘Perfetti Sconosciuti’ on Even’s laptop. They really tried to go to bed early, but neither of them could really fall asleep. It was a bit darker outside than it had been in Trondheim, but it was still no real night, add to that the hum of a big city they were no longer used to and the tension between them did the rest. After a period of restlessness Even said: “Maybe we should talk instead, maybe you would be able to find the words tonight?”

“Even No! Please. Tomorrow I promise. Can we just hold each other?” Even threw his arms around Isak and and Isak got closer to him. So they were laying there cuddling an insurmountable silence between them. After a while Even could hear and feel Isak’s heartbeat. Christ was he going fast, something close to 100 bpm. Something really serious was going on with Isak, Even had thought this was torture for him, but appearently it was even worse on Isak. He kept staring at the ceiling, maybe they should have stayed with his parents, at least the bed would have felt familiar. After a while Isak’s heartbeat slowed down and he fell asleep, he was a bit restless, but asleep. Even didn’t though. 

All the tension and uncertainty was eating him up, around 2:30 he heard Jonas return, slightly more drunk than he would have expected. Around 4 Even was starting to fall into light phases of sleep, but he was constantly waking up in between them. He didn’t think he would reach deep sleep at all, but he must have had done that at one point. Because when he opened his eyes at around 8 am Isak was gone. There was a post it on the nightstand: 

“Dear Even,   
I think I need the day to myself to think. I’ve gone to my mother's to start with party preparations for tomorrow. Meet me at 8 in frognerparken? We will talk then.  
Love,  
Isak”

That didn’t sound good. But Even decided to distract himself by cooking the chili and the brownies he had agreed on as rent. He got up, brushed his teeth and went to the nearest supermarket and got the ingredients. When he got back he stacked everything on the kitchen counter and thought he should text Isak to let him know he would be there at 8. After he sent the text a hungover Jonas entered the kitchen in nothing but boxers. 

“Morn! You already went shopping? Man, I would have helped you!”

“Well I didn’t know what else to do with the day, Isak and me were supposed to meet with Sana and Yousef but he kind of ditched me and I cancelled.”

“Oh yeah! Just let me wake up properly, put on something more appropriate and we can do this.”

An hour, a shower and much coffee later Jonas was the best sous chef one could hope for and the preparation went smoothingly. The brownies were already in the oven. Even couldn't hold it in any longer: 

“Jonas, I know Isak talked to you about what is going on with him and it’s killing me to see him like this and not knowing what to do!” 

“Man I’m sorry, but I can’t tell you. Isak would kill me if I did and he really is going to talk to you tonight. Don’t worry it’s nothing serious, hm no, it kind of is but.. Fuck! I really shouldn’t be talking about this. Just believe me when I say there is nothing to be afraid of. Isak is a great guy and so are you, you're gonna make it till tonight!” That of course did nothing to calm Even down. Something kind of serious? Even didn’t like where this train of thought would lead so focussed on the chili instead. They made a rather large batch so it took some time to prep and cook and do the dishes afterwhats. They were done around 4pm and Even decided he could use a nap.

At some point he was woken up by Jonas. “Dude aren’t you meeting Isak in like 30 minutes?”

“Shit!” Even exclaimed. He needed a shower now, he still had the kitchen smell from earlier on him and after his nap his hair was a mess. He started typing into his phone 

“Babe I’m running late” he would need some kind of peace offering if he was going to be late. His empty stomach started to make noises, despite cooking chili he hadn’t eaten much. This gave him an idea. “Are you keen on me bringing some kebabs?” “The answer came promptly:

“I’m always keen on kebabs. But don’t run too late!” 

Even rushed into the bathroom, showered, got dressed and got on the tram. He got some Kebabs from Majorstuen Grill and walked to the Frogner stadion tram station where Isak was sitting and waiting for him. “Halla!” Even said. He got a “Hei!” in return and Isak leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. 

They ate in front of the stadium and Isak seemed different today, still anxious and stressed but a little bit more friendly. 

“So…” Even started, “How do you want this to go?”

Isak sighed and suggested: “Maybe we could do a little bit of walking and light talking, before we get to the ‘important talk’ part?” 

So they did that. They walked around the stadium and the pool where Even told isak stories about his years on the swim team, they walked around the whole park up and down Vigelandsanlegget. They laughed a bit and were reminiscent of the past and their life in Oslo. Around nine Isak got into a ‘remember when’ cascade about their relationship. Even stopped him and said “Issy if I didn’t knew any better, I would think you’re about to break up with me!” 

Back were the worries. Isak looked surprised and said “Nei! Even, nothing like this and I hope you're still with me, when I’m done with this. It’s time to this!.” he took Even’s hand and led them to the main bridge in silence. There Isak stopped and turned to Even and started talking:

“First I want to say that I’m really sorry for what I put us through the last few days, weeks and even months. I really didn’t want it to be this way, but this was the only way I could come up with. Secondly I really had a different plan for tonight, I had a reservation for dinner at a really nice restaurant, but I could barely function since my panic attack yesterday and I simply couldn’t be around you without bursting. I really dreaded just sitting there with you, hence I cancelled the reservation this morning.”

Even was confused.

“Isak where are you going with all of this?” Isak put a finger on Even’s lips.

“And thirdly,” Isak continued “I want you to let me talk for a bit now, without interrupting me. Can you do that baby?”

Of course Even could do that, hence he nodded, he felt it was coming any minute now. He tried to take in his surroundings, the sun was getting low now, only 1,5 hours away from sunset. That made the park shine in a beautiful golden light and Isak looked more angelic than ever before. 

In that moment he knew that nothing bad was going to happen, because life wouldn’t light a scene that way only to deliver something horrible, some experimental director might do that, but life wouldn’t. There were a lot of people in the park on this beautiful evening but Even felt they entered some kind of bubble when they had stopped on the bridge. Even got totally transfixed upon the words that followed.

Isak took a deep breath and started talking again:

“So you’re kind of right about some things, all this has to do with our relationship and it all started with your last episode in December. But at the same time you got it all wrong. During your episode you begged me to leave you and you kept repeating to me that I am too good for you and would be better off without you. And while it’s still hurting when it’s happening. I always know it’s gonna blow over when the episode passes. But your Episode ended before christmas and then you made that joke on new year’s eve toasting ‘To the new year, another one with my boyfriend as long as he will have me’ and I have to admit it hurt me more than it should have. Because the truth is I cannot not imagine breaking up with you. Everyday I wake up and feel extremely lucky you’re there with me and most days and I love you even more than the day before. And I always feel inadequate in expressing those feelings and not being able to pull off those big romantic gestures like you manage to do. Because that’s how I know you love me as much I love you. And Even I do love you more than anything in the world! I know you say I saved you, but you really did save me too. I was so miserable before we met. I had almost come to realise I was 100% gay and I did not want htat. I wanted to be ‘normal’ . I wanted to do what all my guy friends were doing on the weekends. I wanted the life in front of me, that I saw for everyone else, a job, a female partner, kids and a lot of partying, drinking and hooking up with girls before that. So I pretended but I slowly realised that was simply not possible for me without pretending my whole life. That combined with the feeling no one loved me, because everyone important had left me, I felt I was unlovable. I was touch starved and leaned into every hug I was offered, of course I would panic right after if it was a guy hugging me. It was like a mountain range was weighing on me. I felt so repressed. Then along came you and started flirting with me, I was totally confused at first. But the first time we hang out at your apartment? That mountain range on my heart and mind were gone. I could breathe freely with you, I laughed like I hadn’t laughed in a long time and sure, when Sonja came and you introduced her as your girlfriend my newly freed heart broke a little bit and you would break it two more times before we finally figured things out. But you made me accept myself Even, because you accepted me for who I was and that saved me in so many ways. You made me comfortable with embracing who I am, you made me see I could love Pride. You showed me I could love any music I liked and I started listening to ABBA again, I had stopped doing that in my childhood because I feared people would call me gay or a girl. Don’t get me wrong I still love Hip Hop over everything, but now I can’t find songs I like in almost every genre and I am never ashamed.  
But I don't just love you because of the stuff you have done for me. You’re the most amazing human being I know. You’re kind, open minded, you are brave and loyal, you never forget your friends, you’re extremely funny, even though you have a strong tendency for corniness. And you’re extremely hot. I love every part of you, even your bipolar disorder, even though it’s not a minor thing and I’m sure life would be easier without it, your battles with it have made you who you are today and I love who you are today, the whole of you the good parts and the complicated parts, because it’s all you and I couldn’t imagining not loving a single part of you. I realised that in December and January and I realised I want to spend my life with you, because the last three years were the best years of my life and I want to continue like this. I’ve grown so much with you and you’ve grown so much with me and we have grown so much together and I know we will continue to do that. So I decided in January I needed to make that clear to you in the only way possible I knew, because I felt you needed to know that I would always choose you and not just tag along. For you to know that I wanted to be with you because you’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I know when we moved to Trondheim, I forbade you to propose to me while we are still getting our education, but you never said anything like that to me, so if you answer me this question, I will answer every single of your questions you have about stuff that happened the last six months: Even Bech Næsheim would you make me the happiest man on earth and marry me?”

Suddenly Even’s brain kicked back in and he realised he was crying, full on sobbing. Not in a million years he would have guessed this was the direction this day was heading. His wonderful boyfriend, who struggled to articulate his feelings from time to time just had done the most romantic thing he could imagine.

Yes of course I will marry you. 

What other answer could there be. He couldn’t believe this was happening, how on earth had he gotten this lucky. This was like…

“Even!? Would you mind answering? You can say no, or not right now or you need time to think but I kind of need an answer.”

Wait, had he only answered in his mind? Even wiped away his tears and made an effort to speak up this time: “Of course I will marry you babe!” He reached forward cupped Isak’s face and kissed him with a completely new found love.

It felt like an eternity until he heard someone scream: “21:21 DRINK!” 

Even let go of Isak who now was crying too. Even wiped away Isak’s tears and laughed: “Did you plan this? To finish your speech on 21:21?”

Isak looked up to him, swallowed hard and said: “I did try to land at least in the vicinity of that. I planned for so many things that didn’t work out. First and foremost you weren’t supposed to notice I was up to something, I already told you about the dinner, that went out the window and planned to tell you so many more things in that speech, I rehearsed it so many times and now I feel I forgot at least 40% percent of what I wanted to say, but it’s really hard to concentrate if you’re standing there crying and I just wanted to finish and hug you.” Even took Isak’s hand and tried to pull him in, but Isak backed out and yelled. “Fuck! I forgot the rings, I cannot believe I forgot the rings.” He took off his backpack, reached in and took out a vintage wooden box and opened it. In there, on a velvet fabric, sat the two most beautiful silver bands Even had ever seen: one with shards of a blue stone on it, the other one with shards of a green stone. Apart from that, they looked identical.

“The blue one is for you and the green one is for me. The shard are parts of emeralds and sapphires so they match our eye colours.”

Even took the ring with the blue splinters out and put it on. It fit perfectly. “Did you have those made?”

Isak nodded: “Yes, I wanted something special and they’re made from silver that has been in our family for a long time. Your mother gave me one of the small spoons your great grand aunt buried in her garden to hide the silverware from the Germans during the war and my mother gave me half of an old silver coin that her grandmother had passed on to her, they were melted down, combined and the resulting silver reworked, so although they’re custom made and brand new these are rings with history, our families’ history, our history. Even could not believe it. How was this possible? He hadn’t picked up on any of this.

“How did you get my size? Where and how did you have those made without me catching wind of it?”  
As Even said it, he took out the other ring and put it on Isak’s Finger, right there and in that moment he felt almost happier than he ever did before.  
“Well I found this goldsmith on the internet, she lives in Bergen. She sent me some dummy rings in different sizes and I tried them on you, when you were sleeping. You have an almost undisturbable sleep sometimes. And then I went there, remember when I went on a spontaneous trip with Eva during the Easter break? We went to Bergen and I handed over the silver to the goldsmith and talked to her about what I had envisioned. She made them the following weeks and I went there again to pick them up in May.”

“So that’s where you went. But how did you get to Bergen and back in a day?”

“I took a plane of course.”   
“You did that just for the rings? Just for us?”

“Yes, I booked the flights well in advance so it wasn’t that expensive. We might have to go there again, if you want something engraved in the rings. It was included in the price, but I didn’t want to decide that without you. After I already decided on the design on my own. But I did try to remember everything you had ever said about your jewelry preferences, I also consulted Eva, Mikael, Eskild and your mother. So i hope you like it, because you said yes and now you’re wearing that ring for the rest of your life.” Isak's cocky persona was getting through. Even loved it when he was like this.

“They are beautiful Isak, I couldn’t have come up with a more fitting design for us both. Speaking of the price, I’m so paying for your ring! Uh, oh that’s why you took that additional job at the museum? To pay for the rings! It wasn’t because your professor asked you.” So many things made sense now.

“Yeah, no. I actually had to ask him for this job. But it wasn’t just for the rings, also the plane tickets and I had to pay some of the things for the surprise trip upfront.”

“I feel now is the perfect time to ask: where are we going?”

“What? No! It’s a surprise.”

“Isak you said, you would answer all my questions after I answer the proposal.”

“I did mean about my strange behaviour, not that! But fine, if you need to know: We’re going to Rome. You were so much into italian movies in the beginning of the year and couldn’t stop talking about Pasolini, Rossolini, Benigni, Leone, Fellini” Woe Isak had remberred all those names” ...and you had once mentioned that you weren’t sure what would make for a better honeymoon destination Italy or some really exotic location overseas. So after I decided to propose I also decided we were going to go to Italy, because why not take a mini/pre honeymoon after our engagement. That way we can do the exotic overseas thing on our actual honeymoon and so in the end we're going to have it have had it both ways”

“So that means your birthday party tomorrow…”

“Doubles as our engagement party, now that you have said yes” Again, everything made sense now. Even needed a few moments to straighten his thoughts. Then he marveled at his now fiancé and said: “Isak I can never thank you enough for this. You have no idea how happy you’ve made me, no that’s not right, I think after hearing your speech, I think you might actually know. Still It's a figure of speech. But first let me do this.” 

He stopped talking and pulled Isak in for the tightest hug. Only then did he realise he hadn't let go of Isak’s hand since he put the ring on him. After he felt Isak gasping for air he loosened the hug, let Isak breath for a second, after that he leaned in again for a very long, soft and wet kiss.

“Seriously thank you for all of it. The speech, rings, the party, the vacation and the planning. And I’m totally fine with having realised something was up, because I think not recognising it would have made me a bad boyfriend. It might have led us on a bumpy, anxiety and stress filled road, but I think everything happens for a reason and if this is the end of that road, it was worth it. That’s kind of always been us: never too easy, but very good in the end. And I just want to reiterate, I love you and I feel so lucky you feel the same and even if I sometimes say I don’t know what I did to deserve you. I don't ever want you to leave me, because I too couldn’t imagine a life without you. Hence I said yes.”

Isak’s phone had started making noises during their kiss and had not really stopped since. Even gave him a stern look.

Isak’s face lit up “Shit, that’s probably Jonas, wanting to know if I need emotional support or if he should vacate the apartment tonight.”

“You told Jonas you were going to do this? So who else knew you were about to do this?” 

“Well that it was going down tonight? Only Jonas really knew. But your parents, my parents, Eva, Eskild and Mikael knew I was going to ask you and maybe some of them might have put two and two together, with me suddenly being eager to have a big party and all. I probably think we should let all of them know before tomorrow, so they have a bit of an advantage over the other guests tomorrow.”

“You do realise that if we tell it to that many people tonight, these news are going to travel far and wide and maybe I just want to enjoy this just with you for a couple of hours, without lengthy texts and calls tonight.”

“Well, I have to answer Jonas and I feel we should tell our parents.” Isak said after looking at his screen and probably reading Jonas’ texts.

“I have an idea, give me your phone.”

Isak handed his phone to him and Even started typing and reading out loud simultaneously: “ Dearest Jonas...All is well….Do not worry...But we are...not coming back….tonight. Please don’t tell anybody anything….More details to come tomorrow...enjoy...the empty flat….and yes this is Even on Isak’s phone.” Even started laughing.  
Isak joined in and asked: “ So if we are not returning to Jonas’ place tonight, where are we going to sleep or judging from your facial expressions where are we going to fuck?”

“ISAK!”

“What?”

“We are newly engaged, we are not going to fuck, we are going to make love.”

“As if you would ever say no to a good fuck.”

“God, what has become of the sweet, shy boy I fell in love with?”

“Well he met a bold, corny and very direct guy and felt he needed to get on the same level from time to time.” 

Isak was laughing in the most cute way.

“God, I have created a monster!”

“So what is our place to fuck going to be for tonight?”

“I was thinking of a hotel room.”

“At the Plaza?”

“Well no, I’m probably banned from there for life.” Even winked at Isak, they had been joking about this for years now, they had started with that almost immediately after the ‘event’ at the kosegruppa christmas party. “But the Scandinavia Hotel is not far from here, I’m gonna check if they have a room available.”

“But better use my name for the reservation, just in case you’re banned across the whole Radisson Hotel Group.” Now Isak tried to wink.

He added:”I have an idea, let’s invite our parents for brunch at the hotel tomorrow morning and share the news with them there!”

So that’s what they did, they pretended this was another birthday demand by Isak to explain the last minute invite, but who would say no to brunch on a sunday anyway? 

They checked into the hotel without any problems, they made reservations for brunch the next day and Isak had the prescience to send Jonas another text, asking him to bring a fresh set of clothes to the hotel in the morning in exchange for being invited to brunch. They got to their room, which had an amazing view. Of course it didn’t come close to the luxury of their suite at the plaza three and half years ago, but something like that was far out of their price range.

**Author's Note:**

> So, that's it, my first fic.  
> Happy birthday Isak! (This is actually the reason I decided to publish, otherwise I would have propably rewritten this thing a couple of times.)  
> Initially the engagement party was inlcuded, but I realised I needed to write that from Isak's POV and I if I did that I would write an additional chapter and maybe inlcude some of the previous days from Isak's POV too. So a few paragraps of the engagement party are already written plus an outline for the rest exists in my head, if I find the motivation to write more I wil add it here.
> 
> If you think I need to add any tags please tell me.


End file.
